her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You ruined the universe
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
