My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
