one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
