Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When did we convert life to cartoon?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Your penis caused this!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
