He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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