Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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