did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
