I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
