I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
