Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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