i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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