Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize