I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
