bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
