Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
