If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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