As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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