Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
