dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
