I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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