I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
