i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
