Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
