Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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