Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
