my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
