never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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