I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
