Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
