Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
