capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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