I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
