I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
