I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You made out with two different species that night
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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