That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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