I'd wear matching sweaters with you
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
