The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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