great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
