he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The air taste purple.
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