The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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