Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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