every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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