I just pynch a tree in the face
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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