I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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