How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
