he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
