Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
