I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
