i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
