Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
