that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
being pregnant is like rehab
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize