I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize