Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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