woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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