Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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