I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
