Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
