i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
