I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Success! We fucked roommates!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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