I will die if light touches me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
