ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize