we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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