she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
