1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
