Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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