Can i not drive my cunt home
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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