So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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