Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
