upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize